Getting off the bus at Quito bus station, I thought ´what the fuck did you just do that for´. Having been over 2000m up for over two months I was pumped about being at the coast, being at sea level, being able to walk around at night without a large coat, being able to walk around in the day without my face burning and being able to run for ten minutes without collapsing in a heap. Yet after a week or so at the beach, I drove back up a mountain.

I´m not the only one with a problem here. Fifa have banned all international matches at altitude, which has really pissed people off. I went to watch the end of the Quito half-marathon and every other runner seemed to be wearing a T-shirt expressing a desire to fight the decision, or else do something horrible to those who made it.

¨I mean it´s like people wont even believe you can live at altitude. I mean, look - if you´re in England and you hear this, you´re going to think it´s impossible to play at altitude. You might even be amazed life functions at all up here. But it´s bollocks. Look at these runners¨ said some bloke I met by the finish line.

There´s fanatacism everywhere, and certainly in Europe, but here football is the business of everyone; from the man selling barbecued guinea-pig on the corner by my language school to senior politicians, everyone has an opinion. The same opinion.

The Ecuadorian president has flipped on the issue. The Peruvian sports minister unveiled a huge banner at Machu Picchu condemning the decision, apparently suggesting that if the Incas can lift huge rocks to the top of steep mountains at 3000m then Brazilians can certainly run around a bit chasing a ball. And Evo Morales, the overweight Bolivian premier, did some bad keepy-ups in La Paz, definitely settling the argument in my opinion.

In other football news, most of the continent is getting pretty excited about the upcoming Copa America. I say most because Brazil have left out Kaka and Ronaldinho, which sort of suggests they aren´t.

To prepare, Ecuador played two friendlies against Peru, with the matches broadcast on a giant screen in the centre of town. Oddly, someone had chosen to put the screen in front of a large traffic intersection without closing the roads, so that the audience had to squeeze onto the pavements, or climb traffic lights. ¨It´s new technology for us¨ explained the guy next to me, from on top of a road-sign, when I suggested they might have used the nearby park.

Before getting to Quito, I´d been first in Montanita and then Banos, two fun tourist destinations.

Montanita is a surf town with a long beach. It was cloudy, but a national holiday so the beach was crowded. I ate a lot of oysters, with lime and chili, in an attempt to transform myself into (even more of) a sexual powerhouse. In a similar vain I went running for miles barefoot along the waterfront, came accross a swarm of vultures tucking into a (dead) giant sea-turtle and then frolicked in the agressively high waves to cool off.

Banos is an outdoor activity haven next to a huge active volcano. Some time ago, the government chucked everyone, including the locals, out because it was going to errupt, but it never did, so they all moved back. Now, every other shop has a sign offering a volcano erruption at 9pm -apparently they take you up to see the lava jumping around at the top. Unfortunately, the bad weather at the coast caused me to get lashed three days in a row, and by the time I was in Banos I was good for the thermal baths and no more.

In Ecuador, hair gel is big. A lot of people look like Mark Lammarr with browner skin.

Back in Quito, I stayed in a hostal where they give you free rum and Coke every other night -as much as you can drink. Initially I couldnt see what the hostel got out of such a move. They were paying for a lot of booze. But after a while I realised why it works. Nobody leaves because they´re either awaiting the free booze or far too hungover to get up before the check-out time.

Ecuador has the largest black population of the countries I've been to. The football team's best players are black and there's people of varing shapes, colours and backgrounds all over Quito, something you definitely wouldn't see in Buenos Aires or La Paz. But despite the diversity, there's a slightly different standard of political correctness when it comes to race.

Menestra is a popular local dish, a bit like a lentil stew. There's a large chain of fast food restaurants in Quito called Menestra del Negro. The slogan - Menestra just like Mama used to make. The company logo - a large, smiling, child-friendly monkey.

Colombia

Ever since Buenos Aires, there´s been a, well, a rumour. Or maybe it´s a myth, or a legend. Stories of other places spread like wildfire amongst travellers - sometimes all you talk about is where you have been. But the most common, by far, especially if you are moving in my direction, is that Colombia is amazing.

Everything is so colourful, apparently. The cities are beatiful, the people cross the street to help you, the women throw themselves in the direction of, well, anyone and it´s always sunny. One girl told a tale of a city so clean that local delinquents spray grafiti onto pieces of paper and then stick them to the walls. And although most of those I meet seem to have been, there are hardly any tourists. They say.

Of course, Columbia has a different reputation too. Drugs and guns and kidnapping and stuff like that. But apparently that´s all blown over. One guy I met asserted that it´s definitely safer than any other country he´s ever been to. His mate, after three weeks there, described it as "well safe".

Top 5 most interesting things people have come on a bus to try to sell me half-way through the journey.


Pack some food for the journey?.....no need.

1. Potatoes stuffed with meat or cheese or both



2. Corn on the cob with cheese



3. Chicken and chips



4. Coat hangers, combs, soap or all three for a reduction



5. A three course meal, including soup, all in plastic bags